Whether you are currently dating, dated recently, or perhaps it was 1967 since you had your last date, it doesn't matter. All of us can relate to having a date. In fact, the Atlanta Journal Constitution newspaper even has a section called "Worst Dates from H*ll". People write in sharing their dating nightmares, which is always a laugh.

It's not funny, however, if you are in sales, and have bad "dates". Like it or not, as a professional salesperson, you are now dating. So, how is selling just like dating? Well, you have to warm up your customer, just as you have to warm up getting to know a date. You have to move slowly, or risk turning off the date, er, I mean customer. And more.

Now that you have the analogy down and it is making sense (and I'm sure it is, because audiences always nod when I mention this concept), let's take a look at how you can build a relationship with your customer as though you were courting him/her for a long time.

Here are my Top 3 Tips for Dating (or Selling):

1.  Avoid asking too personal questions up front. You'll need to ease into these one at a time. For example, in dating, you wouldn't ask a first date, "So, tell me the most frightening experience you've ever had." If you did, your date would fake an emergency phone call from the local hospital on a PDA device and leave YOU, deservedly, holding the check.

The parallel with customers is asking a question that is also too personal--too soon. An example here is: "So, how much money do you have to spend?" A valid question, but too fast. You'll want to ease into the more stressful customer questions by using the "Trust Scale" and beginning with easier qualifying questions, first. For instance, "Tell me about your upcoming priority  project."

2. Listen attentively. On a date, if you are constantly interrupting and talking too much, your date will not want to go out with you again. Same in your sales calls. Let your customers (whether on the phone or in person), talk. Many of us have pursued a sales career because we have a "gift of gab" and then we can't shut up once started! Customers should be speaking 80% of the time, and your mouth should only be running 20%. This takes discipline and practice, but I cannot emphasize this enough. You are a subject matter expert, but customers want to have the opportunity of telling you what they want, especially since many calls are now more abbreviated than ever before.  Use the "tongue trick" that I use every day (even at home) to remind you to be quiet! Gently place your tongue behind your front teeth, close your lips (yep, close 'em), and stay like that until the customer has finished speaking. This works well on the phone, too.

3. Close on a commitment. In dating, you wouldn't end a date with "See ya." In a sales call, to build a long term relationship that leads to closed business, you want to always get a commitment that advances the sale. TELLING the customer what's going to happen next, isn't a close. Saying "Thanks for your time", isn't a close. A close IS a commitment.

Make sure you are always asking and negotiating what steps are next. Examples include: "Mark, we're going to send over the detailed specs that were promised and you'll have them this afternoon by 3:00. How much time do you need to look them over?" After Mark responds, regardless of whether he answers today, next week or 2 months from now, you need to close him on a commitment. So, if he says, "I'll look them over on Tuesday." You need to close him. "So, what time is best for me to call you on Tuesday to learn your thoughts?" Then, negotiate the time, call him then, and when you speak on Tuesday, close on another commitment.

Since most of us aren't in one-call closing situations, it's critically important to your success to gain a commitment in every single call! If Mark isn't there when you call on Tuesday, just like in dating, you've now been stood up! Instead of heading for the nearest bar to scope out another date, simply call back again and say, "Oh, Mark. I know we had a 3:00 appointment set up for yesterday and we must have gotten our wired crossed. Call me back at..."  Take the heat for his not being there--as long as you want that next date!

(c)Renee Walkup, SalesPEAK, Inc. All rights reserved.  www.salespeak.com